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Not once did I realize that I had been set-up. Trained from the very day I had tore my way into this world, from a Whore who had never learned to keep her legs crossed.A bastard, that's what they called me. If they knew who my father was, they'd be more respectful/jealous of the blood that coursed through my veins, dreams from him plagued my nights, the image of the dead bodies of my family haunted me."Speak the words, fledgling and they will vanish."Not once did I want it, so not once did I wish it. Now I was just a junkie, poppin pills, chasing it with rum and coke, smoking weed, and snorting cokcaine.Every night I put a gun to my head and begged for a reason to end it. Every night my father weaved his magic words into the air making me pass out, but tonight was different, no soothing words came forth, nothing cocking the hammer of the old .22 Ruger, tonight felt different. Unreal as I took a quick breath and pullled the trigger.Quiet, peacfully. Hell it was great, I opened my eyes. In fact I rather think it will be painful. This Derek business–" Allan, can we talk just a little about that?" I'm not sure that's a good idea, but go on." When I went back to his place on Sunday, I was very upset and lonely. I had walked out on you after saying I'd be there till Monday morning. My pride wouldn't let me come back. Then I hated Derek for what he'd done, and yes I had to spend that night away from the children and away from you. But I wasn't ready for what I found when I got there."She stopped and looked at me, as if to make sure I had understood. I gestured for her to continue."Derek was slumped in a chair. He was very drunk. He greeted me with, 'Oh you're back.' I said yes I was. He said 'For good', and I said no. Then he burst into tears. He sobbed and sobbed and begged me to go back with him. He said he was so lonely and he had no one to turn to."I said he brought it on himself and then he started ranting that he had done nothing to you. He hadn't organised.
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